Coping

I have a confession to make: I'm an avoider. When something makes me uncomfortable, or anxious, or upset, I have a really bad habit of avoiding it until it either a) goes away or b) I'm ready to deal with it.

(Edit: let me come back and tell you that it took me over 3 hours to write this blog post. It's a problem I have, y'all!)

And while it's not a good reason, that is my excuse for neglecting my poor blog.

Last month, the Sheriff's Office that C works for had the kind of tragedy that few experience, no one expects, and everyone fears. Deputy 2330, a coworker and a friend of C, went to serve a warrant and was shot and killed in the line of duty.

I could go on and on about how it's not fair, how the guy who did the shooting is a coward and how it was a worthless, senseless act of violence.I could tell you that he was a brave officer who loved his job. I could cry about how what a wonderful husband he was, how he has two kids under the age of three and a wife that was a classmate of mine growing up, and how all this hit just a little too close to home for me. I could fill an entire notebook about this, but I won't. Deputy 2330 had an incredibly touching memorial service and funeral. He has been mourned, both publicly and privately, by C and I, the Sheriff's Office, and our whole community.

But, his story is not my story to tell.

Instead, I will tell you that since that awful day, I hug C a little tighter. I kiss him one extra time every day. I make sure to tell him that I love him every time I talk to him. It doesn't irritate me quite as much anymore when he wakes me up a 1AM to kiss me goodnight. I pray harder, longer, and more often. My faith was shaken but has since been strengthened, and I have learned to trust in C's training, his fellow Deputies and the grace of the Good Lord to bring him back to me. And let me tell you, I have learned that there is no sweeter sound in the whole world than the riiiiiiiip of the sweaty Velcro fastenings of a Kevlar vest being undone at the end of a shift -- that sounds means that he's made it home once more.

Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Make sure you kiss your loved ones (cop or not) today.