Wednesday, June 2, 2010


I have a confession to make: I'm an avoider. When something makes me uncomfortable, or anxious, or upset, I have a really bad habit of avoiding it until it either a) goes away or b) I'm ready to deal with it.

(Edit: let me come back and tell you that it took me over 3 hours to write this blog post. It's a problem I have, y'all!)

And while it's not a good reason, that is my excuse for neglecting my poor blog.

Last month, the Sheriff's Office that C works for had the kind of tragedy that few experience, no one expects, and everyone fears. Deputy 2330, a coworker and a friend of C, went to serve a warrant and was shot and killed in the line of duty.

I could go on and on about how it's not fair, how the guy who did the shooting is a coward and how it was a worthless, senseless act of violence.I could tell you that he was a brave officer who loved his job. I could cry about how what a wonderful husband he was, how he has two kids under the age of three and a wife that was a classmate of mine growing up, and how all this hit just a little too close to home for me. I could fill an entire notebook about this, but I won't. Deputy 2330 had an incredibly touching memorial service and funeral. He has been mourned, both publicly and privately, by C and I, the Sheriff's Office, and our whole community.

But, his story is not my story to tell.

Instead, I will tell you that since that awful day, I hug C a little tighter. I kiss him one extra time every day. I make sure to tell him that I love him every time I talk to him. It doesn't irritate me quite as much anymore when he wakes me up a 1AM to kiss me goodnight. I pray harder, longer, and more often. My faith was shaken but has since been strengthened, and I have learned to trust in C's training, his fellow Deputies and the grace of the Good Lord to bring him back to me. And let me tell you, I have learned that there is no sweeter sound in the whole world than the riiiiiiiip of the sweaty Velcro fastenings of a Kevlar vest being undone at the end of a shift -- that sounds means that he's made it home once more.

Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Make sure you kiss your loved ones (cop or not) today.


  1. Great blog. I'm officially one of your readers now!

  2. Jessica, I LOVED reading this. Not only are you a talented writer, but I genuinely feel like I am right there with you as I am reading. I love you both. :)

  3. Thank you so much for this. It really does pull at my heart strings and make me think. Amazing what a single blog post can do.

  4. I have been romantically involved with two law enforcement agents (one small town police officer and one state trooper) back in the day. While being lovers is different than being married, I remember the constant tightness in my chest, the uncertainty.

    Thanks for the reminder to kiss my husband (who is a professional geek). I feel for you and your family -- and of course, the family of Deputy 2330 will be in my thoughts and in my heart, even though so much time has passed since your original post.

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